Friday, June 02, 2006

nostalgia

my friend says..ahh school..those were the days..yaad hai..
and I say, I hate school, I dont even want to think about school. come what may, It was the worst time of my life
and then people who dont know me well wonder why i hated it so much. It has truly left me scarred. I was never the butt of all jokes, (if i was i never realised it), i was never a part of the ingroup either...niether am I now. WHat probably rankles most is the way teachers behaved. After getting into psychology I realized even more so the importnat role of teachers in our lives. I owe my permanent sense of bieng dumb and not good enough to all the amazing teachers. To be fair, I also owe my belief in my creativity to some extent to the one teacher who believed in me.
Did it help me to be told that I am not good at anything? Why was it so easy for them to keep putting me down? Just because I wasnt the pretty child whos head they could pat and say ahh what a good giel, look at that neat homework (mine was always messy and full of doodles).
The result, in a class of 30 I had the highest IQ, the lowest grades possible to just scrape through and the confidence of a wilted vegetable and the social life of a newt. which is nowt.
the long term impact? I dont do hardcore science, I did psychology and have an innate grasp of logic and maths, which was proved to me later...but that came later. A feeling of anger when these same teachers tell my mom now in all their hypocrisy, we always knew she would do well..and also a feeling that one can never expect anything in terms of praise, because it also goes to the favorite.
What is the point? I spent 14 years of my life, bieng told I cant dance (i am and was a good kathak dancer) , i was told I cant write, which you can see i still cannot, I was told I can't act, well it was proved later that I can, i was also told I cant draw which I think is the only thing that has come true..I was also told to open a roadside shop because i'd robably never be able to do anything better, umm i dont see that hand cart happening yet, but hang around maybe it will, the speed of my phd is omniously hinting at it
So, today when my professor tells me a simple thing like, why dont you trust your judgement, you are bright and you know you are right, it fills me with a sense of gratitude and awe..really? It shows? That I know what I am talking about? Slowly finally the fear of bieng laughed at, of bieng thrown out of class for asking too much is easing away and I can ask questions and make guesses at answers and find that I am right more often than wrong..(humility was never a strong point either)
the point of the post? woe to women/men who think they can become teachers just because they have the education and nothing better to do than that, woe to teachers who think their words dont echo in somebody's mind and heart after so many years, woe to them who believe inspite of studying education that they dont change lives and gratitude to those who believe in their work, sadly they are a rare species, and to let them know they are thought of more often than they would rhink.

8 Comments:

Anonymous chandni said...

This is so true.....teachers can affect and shape students' self concepts in more ways than they care to imagine....

especially when I read stories of great teachers who affected chilren positively...I always wonder where these people were when i was a student??

I dont have a single memory from school, og any teacher whom I can call a mentor or who was a role model or who enocuraged students....mostly it was hard criticism and passing on a sense of wothlessness to students who, sadly actually started believeing that they were good for nothing...

2:10 PM  
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Anonymous Riju said...

Disha, I love you. Because you understand. And a million other reasons. >:D< You just spoke to my heart. Yet again.

I miss you.

Okay your blog is probably not a good place to pour out all my mush--- this is a fambly joint. I'll mail.

Love you sweets.

9:40 PM  
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