Tuesday, November 29, 2005

waaaahhhhh

one exam week coming up...
oohh
two term papers already on the table
ahh
one presentation almost done
ouch
mera balm kahan hai
waaahhhhhh :((

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Just wish I wrote this! its again by
edna st millay:
Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his faceI say,
"There is no memory of him here!"
And so stand stricken, so remembering him!
and thanksgiving was good, too much fun, too much food and too much of everything but studying, I will repent tomorrow for this!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

muse

today is a strange day, the tail of the week that was. And it began with me getting up at a late 9:10 for a class that begins at 9:30...yeah u'd say it began badly..ahh well even bad days have good evenings.
So began the rush to school and back for lunch and teh workout, bath and lunch. Now these three things made my day. I love to workout, love to eat and love to wash my hair! and only if i loved eating less than working out I might be the skinniest person on planet, instead I look more like a body builder..ahh well things change. Unfortunately no fairy godmother so dont wait for this chunk of coal to convert into cinder-ella.
so the day that began badly became better and I was in top form for the afternoon class...even grinned at a few profs in the elevator instead of giving them my usual shy smile..one even spooked enough to ask me what law did i break..couldnt help gninning back...heheheh..swear he almost called 911!
and then got home to a relaxing evening when i had to cook..but my roomies decided to relieve me and eat nothing at all!
so in I settle with a good book and wham, its a book the covers of which I shouldnt have opened. A book, that begins with a sad lonely female, who doesnt think she looks hot (aka bridget jones) and morps into the perfect career woman who finds the perfect millionaire..hence the cinderella and the belle of the ball..
So it got me wondering whether these things have really happened to anyone really? ever?
it just seems like you go on slogging and working out and denying ur body of icecream and chocolate, and do you morph? well not really
maybe things change, maybe you change so slowly that something you would have earlier hailed as the bestest thing that ever happened to you, you dont even bother to smirk for. MAybe you get used to the better things in life. I could put this into psychological paralance, muses bieng my hobby and (hopefully) bread and butter..but no I wont for two reasons..one, i wouldnt bore away the two readers of this blog and the second bieng I cant remember the right term..hehe..too lazy to fetch my notes!ahh well you have been saved
But i digress..so why no sudden ephiphany? because even cinderella knows she manipulated the prince by walking in late? or becaue it doesnt come without guilt? you know guilt, it rears it head trust me, its just waiting for the right moment.
Or is it because it simply doesnt happen? Life only changes in the problem it brings. My dad said once, The beggar worries about the next 2 penny bit and the Birla's worry about the next million. We all find our things to worry about.
maybe its all paradise by the dashboard lights? heard the song its by Meatloaf and its on my list every single time.....everytime I hear it, it strikes a chord within and i move to it, I cant help a wry smile..maybe it wont be this way?
So do we find the perfect man, the best job, the car...the everything..does it work in the larger picture? Does the picture on the mantel piece remind you of atleast some moments well spent?
or all you see is that you forgot friends in the search for the man of your life. Did you forget you could dance and listen to music too in the search for the perfect job. If you dont think of it, even though you did forget, to me that is a life well spent..no regrets, no guilt. Just be

Sunday, November 13, 2005

am back!

its been a while,
but the days have been busy!
and today I have been wondering what is it that keeps us going?
this event that I was organising, piled on top of my school work was too much to take..and it drove me so crazy that I had nightmares...can you believe it? I had nightmares of every possible thing going wrong!
And then as it was going on, as every event clicked into place some smoothly and some a bit roughly and the magic began to appear and the hard work paid off, at that magic moment , only hours away from when I had sworn never to do it again, if someone had asked me if I would do it...I would have said yes....Its the magic you see, things falling into place, and ofcourse the adulation doesnt hurt either!
but its over, and some of the magic has remained in the photos and the little blueprint of the stage design that will live on my wall of fame, just the same as Verve 2002 does...
these are my favorite moments, they are just mine, noone can take them away or even relate to them because they know not the pain of putting music on in the sound booth, rushing backstage to check on something, and putting my on makeup, and then rushing back to the sound booth to let the guy know what mikes go on next, and then rushing again on stage to perform, followed by 2 hours of the same thing, this time aided by the rush to change clothes too!
I would do it again in a minute!
would u?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Rabbism - The Rabbi Shergill Blog

another favorite

one of my favorite songs,....the ending is my favorite: advice: I tend to do that too and so try to keep it in mind when listening to other people..
tell me what you think..

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen…

Sunday, November 06, 2005

ennui

Sitting here,
Waiting for that something,
Willing this ennui away,
Surfing aimlessly,
Looking for some entertainment,
A new thought,
A new story,
Or even new poetry,
Inspiration or even desperation,
Something, anything

Friday, November 04, 2005

good day bad day

today is not a good day...its lack of goodness is because of many many men and things...
but lets talk about a better day first!
Wednesday was a perfect day! great weather, lots of sunshine, nice cool breeze, loads of work, none of which i took home, an unparalleled chance to browse a great bookstore...brought several nice books...
shh...dont tell anyone, I even brought a cook book..hmm well not a traditional one...its called cooking without recipies and is basically about cooking ideas rather than anything else
well the truth is..ok...well...umm....I actually enjoy cooking these days..
other than that..the day was perfect..nice workout, nice class, also to find no colloqium when I was actually on time was an amazing feeling!
and then the day took a grevious turn..after all this I came home to find my bottle missing, sad sad things happen in the world..like missing bottles and people who steal them and others ike me who lose them!
and then made an yum salad for dinner..barely averting another pepper disaster..they are getting so frequent that I cant look black pepper in the eye without sneezing
so that was the perfect day!
today involved bad food...too much of it also! and too much desert..lets call it the guilty day!
and also too much irritation at people not turning up, and too many meetings, not enough tlc..hey i may be a strong independent woman but i need tlc too!..the very thought!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

fall pics


heres a few fall pics I took my cell phone.. Two times of the year I love....Fall when every thing is red..which also happens to be my favorite color and the second is Spring when the flowers are coming out...just on their way out..yummmy



oops I did it again

So here I am again...post midterm..post presentation..atleast that is done!
The other day I was rereading my favorite book again.."The Ordinary People" , it begins with sonnet by Edna St. Millay which spurred me to find more of her poetry , which I think is now amongst my favorites!
But what a shining animal is man,
Who knows, when pain subsides, that is not that,
For worse than that must follow — yet can write
Music; can laugh; play tennis; even plan.
THis is what begins the book, and I love it because it speaks volumes about what I believe in, you can make it, through everything that you never thought u'd survive you will make it through...I am sure though that my friends who are better at English lit than me may disagree but I like what i think..so there!
another one...I ont interpret this one to death!
What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain Under my head till morning;
but the rain Is full of ghosts tonight,
that tap and sigh Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me A little while,
that in me sings no more.
Hey I can be morbid too!
to end on a cheerful note but a similar note..here is a favorite quote..dunno who said it where but it has stuck with me a long time now!
"your absense has gone thorugh my life like needle through thread, everything i do is stiched with its colors"
nah Im not pining..I just like imagery and it is from a time when I was pining...but no more colored stiching, just me in black and white!